Cruising down 64E, wind in my locs, 90s R&B vibing from the speakers. I was ready for a much needed beach day (COVID19 friendly) after a long 3 months in lockdown. I had started a new job, entered a season of purposeful momentum, and said “yes” to online dating. My Issa D, Insecure style dating roster was in a valley of roller coaster experiences after I or the guys eliminated themselves from the running. But my Mr. Genuine was hanging around.

I found myself looking forward to the FaceTime dates, iMessage game tournaments, and endless conversations. So of course when I mentioned having a Friday off work, an invitation to the beach was met with a “sure”. The beach is my safe place (any moving body of water really), so of course I was looking forward to the break of monotony in my daily schedule and respite from being an essential worker.

But this time felt different.

You see, there we were almost three months to the date of matching online, and we’ve never been in each others’ presence. If you know me, you know that I can immediately tell if I will enjoy a person based on their energy. Call it my gift of discernment, if you will. Over the years I’ve strengthened it and continue to pay attention to something deep in my heart, next to my gut instinct, that whispers “yes” or “no”. So of course, I’m anticipating that this meet up will be the date that says it all. But ohhh, was it so much more.

When I took the exit for the beach, he turned on his location and had a parking spot coned off for me, ready to conveniently arrive and enjoy my beach day[te] with him. Points added!

I can feel my heart beating quickly and my legs getting restless — I’m shocked! Either my calm demeanor was fleeting or I really had to pee. When I got out of the car, he walked over and helped me open the door before looking me in my eyes, saying, “hey, glad you made it!” and embraced me for a hug. Y’all … he smelled SO good. There is very few that immediately makes a man attractive but smelling GOODT?! Points added!

My silly self, I smiled and immediately asked, “where can I used the bathroom?”, doing a little tinkle dance. What am I, 6?! He smirks and tells me I can use the bar he has connections with through previous work — perfect! I grab my bag and walk away like Gloria from Waiting to Exhale — “oh God, I hope he’s not watching me walk away … turns to look … he’s watching, ohhh”. I giggle and make haste to change into my bathing suit and freshen up after the drive. Of course I give myself a pep talk in the mirror and remind myself to be present — live and enjoy the here and now. No judgement, all grace.

When I come back, he has our belongings ready, the coolers filled with ice and water, and speakers equipped for a beach day! Now, I’m a planner so I packed fruit salad, some drinks, carbs, and of course playlists for the entire day if need be. But knowing that he was prepared, too? Points added!

Now at this point in the afternoon, I’m HOT. It’s only been, what, a good ten minutes? But I’m anticipating a sweaty day at the beach so I don’t wear a lot of makeup (maybe some mascara and a little highlighter to invite the sun to reflect my melanin a little more), but I’m feeling comfortable. Something about his energy has already calmed me down and encouraged me to let go. To breathe easy and not overthink — my authentic self was welcomed today.

When we finally make that trek across the sand to the rental area, he gets us a cabana and lounge chairs and we set up for what I’m desperate to enjoy — a relaxing day on the beach. It’s definitely bustling with families and kids, but we’re at a safe distance, so I pull out some drinks for us, connect the speakers, and immediately start to get comfortable. He’s watching me quietly, taking it all in, and we both finally just lay back and watch the water meet the shore.

In between singing along to summer tunes, jumping waves in the perfectly cool water, and having conversations on various topics, I feel myself let go a little more. He’s so fun! I’m surprised but also not — he’s been genuinely friendly and easeful the entire time we’ve been connected. His energy in person felt, safe.

Now if you’re a Black woman dating in America, safety is PRIORITY. It’s not everyday we come across someone with pure intentions, healthy boundaries, or effective communication. So our guard is almost always up — we’re sharing our location with our family and friends, carrying pepper spray, and keeping our drink limit to two below the average so we’re alert and ready to escape if needed. Or it is just me? But this day[te], I felt comfortable being a little less TTG (trained to go).

While we enjoy the cooling splashes of the salty waves, he’s grabbing my hands, holding my waist to make sure I’m not drowning, and slowly turns the busy shore into a private beach moment for two. He probably didn’t know this … but I really felt safe to flirt again. I think heartbreak and unmet expectations caused me to feel skeptical and thus be more masculine (honestly) in my approach to dating. But I let my feminine nature lead this day and it felt safe to emerge because his masculine was healthily present. I’ve been working on returning to my feminine ways for some time, but here I felt seen, safe, and sought-after. We orbited each other and I was reminded that dates, being pursued, getting to know someone, was fun AND freeing. I didn’t feel pressured to be someone I wasn’t; to show up as what I thought he wanted but more-so as whom He created. So I gravitated towards him more. And what he met me with surprised me but also electrified me. He kissed me. And not in the forceful, slobbery way some jerks think you want it. rolls eyes

He kissed me on my cheek first. And we laughed at the wave that slapped us on our sides right after. I chuckled and let the silence sway us. Then he met my lips with his and I melted. I felt so soft and sexy at the same time. I knew I didn’t want this date to end.

When we finally returned to our belongings, we were exhausted and hungry. So we agreed to pack up, change, and find some spots to grab food. Remember that bathroom I affirmed myself in at the top of our beach day[te]? I went back and smiled at how well this date was going! By now, it’s almost 5p and the beach is hectic. So by the time I put on outfit number 2, my hair is up, a little more mascara and sunscreen for the freshly glazed melanin, and I was ready to see what else he had planned for us! I’m on cloud 9!

I walk out and of course he’s packed his car with our belongings so that I wouldn’t have to worry about that after the bathroom. Points added!

We hold hands and walk to a rooftop bar serving socially distanced happy hour — I’m here for it. We sit and I take out my camera(s) (my fuji film as well as my phone). I felt led to continue to document the memories of today, hence the picture above. What’s so cute, is that he has one instant Polaroid from our day[te] and I have the other.

After drinks he mentions wanting to take me to his favorite fish taco spot. I’m down! All he had to say was tacos! So we pull up our masks, he takes my hand, and leads me through the crowds to a cute side street bar. We speak to some of his friends that we’ve ran into then find a booth outside under the summoning sunset. I have no clue what to get so he and the waiter advise me on all the great tastings. I decide on a shrimp burrito (of course I remember so many vivid details) and a drink. He gets three fish tacos. While we wait for our food, we organically fall into these nestled positions. I’m under his left arm while he’s turned inward. I feel myself relax all of my muscles and exhale. I trusted him.

I’ll never forget that fish taco spot (we recently went there during the winter and the memories flooded back), because that’s where my discernment gave me the green light to let him in — almost three months into our friendship, and I was ready to hang up the jersey and allow him to be the star player. The roster was emptied.

Some may say that it was too soon while others support the pace. All I can say is, from that day forward, I believed I could let him pursue me. I said yes. Not all at once, of course, but the hint of apprehension I carried washed into the sea with the seashells we left behind on the shore.

But that’s not where the date ended. After tacos, as we held hands and walked the boardwalk, I found myself suddenly remembering that my drive home wasn’t a hop skip back to Richmond. I looked at my phone — it was almost 9pm and I had a ton of missed calls and texts. Did we really just have a 10 hour date?! Wow! This had to be a first!

He respected my need to head home, but I could tell we both didn’t want the night to end. We slowly walked and enjoyed the flittering last moments of our day[te] together. When we returned to the parking lot, he helped me pack my car and agreed to help me battle the ruthless traffic of Arctic Ave. Y’all … he got out of my car, walked across the pedestrian crossing, and stopped traffic so I could drive across. Like … ok, Sir!

Needless to say, I was impressed. It wasn’t only the actions or food or drinks or cabana that impressed me; his attention to detail, thoughtfulness, and prioritizing of my comfort is what impressed me. He was selfless and compassionate and those qualities attracted me to him even more that his cologne.

We ended the night with him accompanying me to a side street that would get me directly to the expressway. When I was safely across and ready to begin my journey home, he placed another kiss on my lips and wished me a safe trip before walking back to his own car. I was still glowing like the sun had never set.

I’m smiling the entire drive home and later found out that he fought sleep to make sure I made it home safe. When I walked into my apartment, locked my door, set my bags down, and called him, we started a conversation, that similar to this journey, won’t end anytime soon.

Vibe Tines ATM:

Freefall x Durand Bernarr + KAYTRANADA | Lockdown x Koffee